Made me think of you!
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Author Archives: tempestcash
Dating
In June, during the first warm days of summer, we behold the most popular month to get married, while in the frosty winter month of January, we witness the most divorces. Throughout the wedding season, many of us are filled with feelings of optimism and hope for lasting romance. Yet, weather aside, by the time a colder season sets in, many people are left asking themselves what causes a marriage (or any serious relationship for that matter) to turn icy and warm feelings of love to freeze over.
Often, when a couple comes to therapy dissatisfied with or worried about their relationship, there are certain patterns that can be observed. A shift has often taken place within the couple that has left them estranged from their early feelings of tenderness and attraction. This shift involves a slow movement away from the romance and closeness they originally experienced toward a more routine and conventional style of relating. The initial allure or desire that drew them together and allowed them to appreciate one another for their unique qualities and attributes has been replaced by an illusion of connection, or what psychologist Robert Firestone refers to as the “Fantasy Bond.”
The fantasy bond is a mode of relating in which couples interact in a manner of form that enables them to imagine that they are close while maintaining emotional distance. Individuals in these realtionships are acting on an unconscious fear of intimacy that influences them to not be vulnerable to their partners. Couples in a fantasy bond are often impersonal, treating one another as though they are extensions of themselves. Within this imagined connection, people no longer exhibit the attributes that once drew them to their partners. Eventually, they are no longer the independent individuals who once respected and admired each other. They are acting on old, destructive defenses that keep them at an emotional distance, even as they share the same activities, responsibilities or beds.
So what formulates a fantasy bond? How does it interfere with real feelings of love and affection for a partner? How can people escape the trap of this relationship hazard? To see if a relationship has taken the form of a fantasy bond, it is helpful to ask certain questions about the ways a couple relates.
You can start by looking at how the two partners communicate. You can ask: Can you speak honestly to your partner? And how honestly do you allow them to speak to you? When you offer feedback, is your partner open or closed to your opinions and perceptions? How open are you to their communication? Do you intimidate them by acting defensive? Or silence them by using their words to be victimized, overly apologetic or self-hating?
It is important to understand that being truly honest does not mean relaying and acting on irrational, negative or excessively critical reactions toward a partner. Rather, honesty means that each member of the couple knows their self and what’s really going on with them personally. When a person is upset or angry, it is valuable to consider: Does this reaction reflect how they really feel or is it more based on negative programming from their past? Is it based on what is going on in the here and now or on old emotions that have been triggered? By thinking about their reactions, people can weed out the rational from the irrational, separate the present from the past, and distinguish the real from the distorted.
When a person approaches their partner from a realistic perspective they are more likely to have a compassionate and accurate view of their loved one and to be less phony or destructive in their style of relating. They care if their behavior or reactions hurt their partner in any way. They are also interested in and curious about any feedback their partner would have for them.
It is also advisable to investigate how a couple behaves. This can be challenging because people who have substituted a fantasy bond for real relating often fail to notice the ways they have begun acting out of habit. It is helpful to ask: in what ways has a person’s behavior with their mate become routine? What loving behaviors are they withholding? What are the activities that they once enjoyed that they have given up since becoming involved in a relationship?
As a relationship becomes more serious, it is advisable to ask the following questions: Has this couple come to rely on each other to make up for any inadequacies in the other one; are they using each other to complete themselves? Is each one maintaining their independence and individuality or is either succumbing to just going along with activities that the other one is interested in? Are they being supportive of each other’s interests and individuality, or are they, more often than not, doing things together out of obligation?
Most important, does what is being said within the couple correspond with what is being done? Honesty and integrity are crucial to long lasting relationships. When a person’s words don’t match their actions, their partner’s sense of reality is distorted. In that sense, what is done matters much more than what is said. The perfect example of this is the couple who incessantly argues with or complains about each other but then continually say “I love you” in spite of the tension and anger that comes across in their behavior. When both members of a couple make their words and actions an honest reflection of how they feel, a real sense of trust is established in their relationship.
A good rule for staying together is to live a fulfilling life as an individual and to support your partner in doing the same. A union based on equality and respect is the perfect environment for love, romance and spontaneity to flourish, while a connection based on neediness and dependence creates an atmosphere of suppression, resentment and defensiveness. It is the difference between expressing genuine love and living an illusion of love, between creating a new life by continuing to develop your ability to love and recreating an old life by reliving past hurts, between accepting warmth and acting cold… and sometimes even between summer weddings and winter divorces.
Source: Psychology Today – Lisa Firestone,
Ph.D.
Prepare for War (man-your-battle-station)
The human system of security is failing, the chimp, has to take it up, to protect the world,
protect yourself now of the insanity at libya and other part of the world before it will hit you.
one chimp, one Armour
Exit of A voice
Boney M singer Bobby Farrell dies aged 61
Bobby Farrell, front man of the 1970s disco group Boney M, has died at the age of 61, his agent has announced.
The singer was found dead in a hotel room in St Petersburg, Russia, where he had been performing, John Seine said.
Farrell, he continued, had complained of breathing problems before and after a show on Wednesday. The cause of his death has yet to be established.
Farrell, the only male member of the popular four-piece, had been due to fly to Rome for a TV show on Friday.
Born Alfonso Farrell in Aruba, the singer left his home on the Caribbean island at 15 to work as a sailor.
He then travelled to Norway and Germany to pursue a career as a DJ.
In 1974 he was chosen to front Boney M, which was put together by German singer and songwriter Frank Farian.
‘Quite bizarre’
It was he who performed much of the male vocals on the group’s hit records, Farrell being more a dancer and showman than a singer.
He continued to perform after Boney M disbanded in 1986Known for his extravagant costumes, Farrell was often seen with a bare torso and tight-fitting bell-bottom pants.
Boney M had their first hit with Daddy Cool in 1976, and scored a UK number one two years later with Rivers of Babylon.
The song sold nearly two million records in Britain alone, where it stayed at the top of the chart for five weeks.
After the group disbanded in 1986 Farrell continued on his own, most recently touring with three female backing singers under the name Bobby Farrell of Boney M.
According to Mr Seine the singer had suffered from “heart problems, shortage of breath and problems with his stomach” for the last decade.
He described his client as “a fantastic person” but also “quite bizarre”. “He had a big heart but he was explosive,” he said.
Farrell is survived by a son and a daughter.
Boney M’s first appearance in Germany was a performance of the song “Daddy Cool” in the then important and famous TV-Show “Musikladen” in 1976. After that TV-Show appearance the sales of the single were about 100.000 singles each week! From then on the album (Take The Heat Off Me) did well, too. In July 1976 with “Daddy Cool” came the first Number 1 for Boney M in Germany and a Top-10-Hit in December 1976 in the UK. The same year in Germany the follow-up to Daddy Cool was a remake of Bobby Hebb’s “Sunny”, which hit Number One in December 1976, in the UK it hit Number one in March 1977.
The Original Group Lineup was Marcia Barret (* 14.10.1945, St. Catherines, Jamaica), Liz Mitchell (* 12.7.1952, Clarendon, Jamaica), Maizie Williams (* 25.3.1951, Monserrat, West Indies) and Bobby Farrell (*6.10.1949, Aruba, West Indies). In 1982 Bobby Farrell was replaced by Reggie Tsiboe (* 1950). But Bobby rejoined the group in 1984 on Eye Dance.
In May 1977, “Ma Baker” just missed the U.K. number one spot, and “Belfast” hit the Top Ten in October. In 1978, Boney M was at the height of its popularity with “Rivers of Babylon”/”Brown Girl in the Ring”, which became the second-biggest selling single in U.K. chart history. “Rivers of Babylon” also was Boney M’s only U.S. Top 40 hit. Boney M’s album “Nightflight To Venus” also topped the U.K. charts. In September 1978, “Rasputin” became another U.K. Top Ten hit, followed by the seasonal chart-topper “Mary’s Boy Child”/”Oh My Lord”, which became the fifth-biggest selling single in U.K. history. In March 1979, “Painter Man” hit the U.K. Top Ten, followed in April by “Hooray! Hooray! It’s a Holi-Holiday”. In September, the album “Oceans Of Fantasy” hit number one.
Making a balance-sheet after 10 Years, Frank Farian counted 18 Platin- and 15 Gold-LPs, more than 200 Gold- and Platin-Singles and about 150 Million sold Units all over the world. Whose voices could be heared besides that of Liz will be remaining Farian’s little secret. By the end of the 80’s Farian put out a new edition of Boney M onto the Market. Besides Liz there now stood and sang only decorative: Reggie Tsiboe, Patty Onyewenjo and Sharon Stevens. But not this new combination attrackted the audience, it was the old combination! In the end of 1992 they had a Top-10-Hit in UK with a Mega-Mix of their old Numbers.
Boney M is a Eurodance and disco group, which was phenomenally successful during the 1970s.
Although they never had much success in America, the Euro-Disco group Boney M was a European phenomenon during the ’70s. After German record producer Frank Farian (* 18.7.1941 as Franz Reuther) recorded the single ‘Baby Do You Wanna Bump?’ in 1974/75 (which was successful in Holland and Belgium), he created Boney M to support the song, bringing in four West Indian vocalists who had been working as session singers in Germany — Marcia Barrett, Liz Mitchell, Maizie Williams and Bobby Farrell.
Now let’s take a look how this whole Boney M story started:
December 1974: Frank Farian 6 Weeks in Europa-Sound Studio in Offenbach Bieber. Recording: “Baby Do You Wanna Bump” under pseudonym “Boney M” (Boney: Hero of an Australian TV-Series). At first only Discotheque-Success, weekly sales about 500 Records.
End of 1975: Dutch TV and Discos wanted Live-Appearances of Boney M. Farian and the Artist-Agent Katja Wolf find 4 colored girls and 1 man. Aboriginal Boney M: Maizie Williams, Sheila Bonnick, a girl named Nathalie and the african Mike. This aboriginal line-up did only Dance- and Pressappearances. Later Claudja Barry joined the group, but she was replaced by Liz Mitchell. Line-Up now: Marcia Barrett, Liz Mitchell, Maizie Williams and Bobby Farrell.
When “Baby Do You Wanna Bump” was released in 1975, it seemed nobody thought the tracks of this Formation’s success would run into the 90’s. Without a doubt it was the voice of Liz Mitchell that carried most of the songs. Liz was born on Jamaica and came to Germany in the end of the 60’s. Here she played in 1969 in the Berlin Version of “Hair”. In the beginning of the 70’s she joined the Les Humphies Singers from the start (1970-73), and with Malcolm Magaron, another member of that group, she did Malcolm Locks. From her friend Marcia Barrett, who lived in Hamburg, came the suggestion to join together a Group that was founded by Frank Farian – Boney M. The producer Frank Farian later said that all members of the group would be replacable without hurting the Group – but not Liz.
The Human Face
The Human Face is a 4 part BBC series that examines the science behind facial beauty, expression, and fame in an entertaining fashion. John Cleese, actor, comedian, visiting professor, and best-selling author on psychology, sets out on an odyssey to discover the mysteries of identity, perception, creativity and sexuality hidden behind the mask of life itself. This four-part series combines art, technology and deeply moving human interest stories to uncover the secrets of the human face. Paul Ekman served as scientific adviser.
Synopsis Everyone has one, but what do we know about them? From the legend of Cleopatra’s beauty to Einstein’s genius, the face is the source of sexual attraction and icon of fame. This series was developed as a guide to the story of the human face.
Plot
Part One: Here’s Looking at You The series opens with an epic journey to uncover the secrets of the human face. In a world of six billion other faces, your face is unique. It reveals your personality, your genetic and cultural identity and it can be read like a book. Family resemblances, facial recognition and the purpose of the face and its features are all part of a story that begins in the oceans five hundred million years ago. We conclude with the multi-racial face of the future and the pioneering work of surgeons in Kentucky who are preparing for the world’s first facial transplant.
Part Two: Fame and Infamy Famous faces are everywhere. They stare out at us from billboards, magazines, and movie screens, beaming out messages.These faces sell sex, politics, glamour and power. Diana, Jackie O, Marilyn Monroe, their faces are sometimes more familiar to us than those of our nearest and dearest. Fame and infamy tells the story of the face as icon, from Egyptian mummies to Hollywood stars.
Part Three: Survival of the Prettiest What is beauty? Is it just a matter of personal taste? Apparently not; we discover that the same things attract lovers all round the world. A pretty face is a fertile face and ugliness suggests poor health. Big eyes, smooth skin and symmetrical features will win you fans everywhere. They’re also the ticket to a better job, more money, and better sex!
Part Four: Secrets and Lies Every face contains a million secrets. And whether we like it or not, the face reveals our feelings and what’s really going on deep down inside. Secrets and Lies is about how the face communicates without saying a word; it’s about expressions, disguise and the mysterious art of face-reading.
drew barrymore
Cast * John Cleese as Himself (Host) * Elizabeth Hurley as Various roles * David Attenborough as Himself * Candice Bergen as Herself * Pierce Brosnan as Himself * Mali Finn as Herself * Charles Fleming as Himself * William Goldman as Himself * Kevyn Major Howard as Himself * Michael Palin as Applicant/peasant * Dr. Vilayanur Ramachandran as Himself * Joan Rivers as Herself * Michael Rix as Himself * Prunella Scales as Pet shop owner/wife
The Car Deal
A young man just received his driving permit, he walks up to his father, who is a clergy man, the father took him to his study and he asks his father about his intending car,
the father replied him and said, “read your books and pass your exams, read your bible diligently and get a hair cut, then we can discuss about your car”.
the boy left ….
after several months….
he came back to his father about the car deal, and his father said to him, “am very proud of you son, you have passed your exams, you have been reading your bible and successful in bible classes, that very good of you” said his father…
“But you have not remembered to cut your hair”
the boy replied his father and said, “dad, do you know that great men of God like Noah had long hair, Abraham had long hair, Elijah Had long hair and even Jesus Christ had long hair”
the answered, “you are right boy”, ” do you also know the these great men of God went everywhere they went on foot”
the boy replied, “yes i know”
then the father concluded by saying, ” on the ground boy this concludes your deal about the car”….
Invisible Love
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There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.
She told her boyfriend, ‘If I could only see the world, I will marry you.’
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her,’Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?’
The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.’
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Life Is a Gift
Today before you say an unkind word –
Think of someone who can’t speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life –
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children –
Think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep –
Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job –
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another –
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down –
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you’re alive and still around.
God Bless You.
A Hope We Share
There is a hope we share
someone familiar can be here, when there isn’t a good means of care, an alternative was provided, these generation needs love and care please give them a means to get there, and the world would be a better place to live…..
Bravery
Beauty
flowers
There are times you think that dreams don’t come true but mine did, cos i got a lovely lady, i’ll show you more later, just take a peek and i’ll be back.
tempestwestwood 